It was a beautiful warm, sunny afternoon.
Thursday-- one week until my birthday.
Thursday and not a cloud in the sky.
I can't recall a day since then that I've seen so much sun.
A typical day; expecting the worst while praying for the best.
The hospice nurse came and left, declaring my mom as "stable".
It was just another day...
On that beautiful day, I found myself holding my mom's hand as she breathed her final breaths.
It was with grace and elegance that she lived her life and I shouldn't have expected any difference in her passing.
In an instant she went from my mother to my angel. Still the most beautiful person I have ever known.
A day hasn't passed that I don't feel her absence.
It's an emotional weight.
It's a dull ache.
I lost my perfect role model, my go-to stylist, my biggest fan, my very best friend, my manicure-date..
my mom.
I feel like the world should stop spinning; that daily routines shouldn't exist.
Yet with each day and an undiscovered strength, we have carried on, going through the motions of each day.
The truth is, I don't know where to go from here.
It's like I'm seeing the world for the very first time.
Though I do know one thing for sure,
my mom is with me...and she's everywhere.
She spent her short time on this Earth preparing us to make the right decisions and taught us to always keep a good heart.
In the days before my mom's passing I have few memories of her carefree and enjoying life, but one memory has seemed to stick with me through it all.
My mom and stepdad had just left my mom's final radiation treatment; the doctor's had declared she was too weak to continue on.
My car was being serviced and my stepdad planned to give me a ride home.
When he arrived, and I slid into the backseat of the car, I couldn't help but burst into a laugh at the image of my mom.
"She's on her 7th" my stepdad said.
My mom had a box of one dozen fresh Krispy Kreme donuts opened in her lap and she wasn't slowing down.
My skinny-minny mom consumed 8 donuts that day and while we aren't sure how she did it, we couldn't have been more glad!
That was the most any of us had smiled in a while.
I sure hope there are donuts in heaven.
Life is fragile and definitely too short.
Don't take a day for granted...and if you want to say it, say it right then because you never know what tomorrow holds.
I now aspire to live my life the way my mom always lived hers and make friends in the most unexpected places and give without a second thought.
We have been blessed by a loving community, who has given, prayed, and supported us through this journey.
As the days roll on, I ask for continued prayers and support because with each day, we face a new challenge.
And in the simple words of my mom..
"Live your life with joy."
5/5/61- 6/20/13
Lets help put an end to breast cancer. I encourage everyone to donate to Susan G. Komen research or other breast cancer research organizations around the world.
Raise awareness, save more moms.
This was absolutely beautiful Sage! She was so proud of her daughters and she was an amazing lady! May you be comforted and wrapped in the warmth of her memories!
ReplyDeleteSage, I was just reading through your blog and really enjoyed this post, beautifully written. I had a quick question and was hoping you could email me back when you get the chance -emilywalsh688 (at) gmail.com- Thanks
ReplyDeleteEmmy